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Sponsored Results: Jewish Jokes and Jewish Humor

A Priest and a Rabbi were, by coincidence, sitting next to each other on a long flight.

About an hour passes and not a single word was exchanged by the two men. Finally, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and says, "Rabbi, do you mind if I ask you a personal question"? The Rabbi said, "Of course, you may."

"I understand that many of you Jewish people, especially Rabbis, keep kosher and, as such, don't eat things like bacon or ham". The Rabbi acknowledged that. "Haven't you ever even tasted bacon or ham?", asked the Priest.

The Rabbi explained, "Many years ago, I was a visiting Rabbi in a small town in the middle of nowhere and found myself in a diner one Sunday morning. There was no one around so I ordered bacon and eggs. It was quite good but that was the only time that ever happened."

After some time, the Rabbi turned to the Priest and said, "Father, do you mind if you ask you a very personal question"? The Priest said OK.

"You Priests take an oath of celibacy, right"?, asked the Rabbi. "Why, yes", answered the Priest, wondering where this was going.

"Well, haven't you ever had sex since you've become as Priest"?, asked the Rabbi. The Priest looked about nervous, leaned toward the rabbi and answered very softly, "As a young parishioner I was approached by a troubled woman who was looking for my guidance. She was a beautiful, young woman and one thing led to another. So, yes, just once I had sex with a woman".

A few moments pass and the Rabbi leans over to the Priest and says, "A lot better than pork, isn't it?"

Sam was ready to tee off this gorgeous Sunday morning and looked up to the sky and said, "Please G-d, tell me there's a golf course in Heaven.

The skies opened up and a deep vice proclaimed, "Sam, I have some good news and some bad news".

"So, what's the good news?", asked Sammy.

"Sam, we have the most magnificent golf course in Heaven. Plush, green fairways. Greens as smooth as silk. Never a wait on the first tee. Never a rainy day."

Sammy replies, "That's fantastic! What could possibly be so bad?"

"You tee off tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM"

A Rabbi visiting Rome had the good fortune to have an audience with the Pope. While talking about things, the Rabbi noticed a red phone on the Pope's desk.

The Rabbi asks what the phone was for. The Pope informs him that it's a direct line to G-d.

The Rabbi askes if he can use it and the pope says of course but that he should leave $100 for the call. The Rabbi thank him and uses the phone.

A few months later, the Pope was visiting the US and makes sure to make a stop to visit his new Rabbi friend. While talking, the Pope notices a red phone on the Rabbi's desk.

The Pope asks if the phone is what he thinks it is and the Rabbi says of course. The Pope askes if he can use the phone and the Rabbi said that he may bt that he needed to leave $0.50 for the call.

The Pope was surpised and asked, "You use my phone and I ask you to leave $100 and, yet, when I use your phone I am to leave only $0.50. Why is that?"

The Rabbi smiled and replied, "Because here it is a local call."

A Jewish man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking: the supports required to reach the bottom of the ocean, and the concrete and steel it would take. It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I vish I could understand mine vife. I vant know how she feels inside, vat she tinking when she gives me da silent treatment, vy she cries, vat she means ven she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a voman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"